Help your man to begin seeing the wonderful things that surround him. Don’t keep little delights to yourself share them with him. If you’re eating together, exclaim how delicious something you love to eat is. When you’re outside together, take a deep breath and say something like “Mmmm! Isn’t this fresh air so great after it rains?” or “It is SO nice, being out here with you, surrounded by these amazing trees/mountains/flowers”. But you can go a step further and help him see how many things there are in your lives to be grateful for.
When you’re able to stay upstairs, you become a beacon of light in a storm for your man. Practice self care and find ways to keep yourself from slipping down those stairs so you can beckon him back up to where it’s happy and comfortable.Īn optimistic person is a delight to be around, and their expressions of joy about life are contagious. Remember that he wants to protect and provide for you, and if you’re “drowning”, he may feel like he failed to do that in addition to everything else. Think of the old saying about “two drowning people and one life preserver” and keep yourself from giving in to the temptation to go into survival mode yourself. A discouraged person doesn’t need another discouraged person by their side, adding to the worries. It may be tempting to “go downstairs” and keep him company in his “basement” or “survival” brain while he’s suffering, but DON’T DO IT. Stay Upstairs Yourself (for “upstairs” and “downstairs” concepts, see the Brain Matters chapter of Timeless) When he knows there is not a moratorium on your love for him, he’s more able to relax and fix the problem as he can. Part of his anxiety might be related to wanting to make YOUR life better, so when you assure him you’re happy with him the way things are right now, it takes away the urgency he feels to make things perfect immediately. He needs to know that whether he succeeds or fails at a task or project, you still find him a wonderful human being. Once he has told you what’s bothering him, make sure to validate his feelings rather than tell him he should just “cheer up.”Įxpress to your man how understandable it is to be frustrated in his situation and let him know he’s not a lesser man in your eyes just because he’s struggling. They often become discouraged about areas relating to competency such as their job, ability to provide, skills they want to improve, and past performance at tasks. Remember that, for men, feeling competent is a BIG deal. This means you not only keep relatively quiet while he unloads his frustrations, but you also interject supportive statements like “I hear you”, “I understand why that would bug you”, “No way! Really? That’s outrageously unfair!”, and my favorite “Tell me more”. If your man has been venting about his situation in life and what’s causing stress for him, it’s important to practice active listening. Here is a list of ideas that will help almost any man feel a bit (sometimes much more than a “bit”) better about things. I’m here to help you with a few important tips that come directly from my book, Fascinating Womanhood for the Timeless Woman (aka Timeless), only I will embellish them a little since we are focusing on one topic here. You probably want to do something to help him feel better but might not know where to start. Has your man been going through a rough patch? Does he mope around, unable to enjoy things he usually loves? Or does he snap a little too easily at you, seemingly for no good reason? Because you care about him, it’s hard to see him unhappy.
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